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Regret
Regret The Untold Story of Tigerstar By Gigglekit Synopsis “You're just a monster!" Hearing her say that broke my heart.I can't be like that anymore.But it was too late.There's no going back.There never will be.“I can't believe you!"I'll miss her.But I can't be with her,not after what I'd done. He ruined a Clan,“saved" a Clan,killed a deputy.How can any cat be like that?A legend,a kit's tale,you know his story.Do you? Tigerstar.He was ruthless,yet his story is left in shadow.Who was Tigerstar?Did he ever have guilt,sorrow or joy? Did he have regret? Trivia *Regret was inspired by a Ranger's Apprentice fanfic titled Before,During,After and follows the Ranger's apprentice as he looks back on a horrible crime he did.(I hated that Fanfic because he is not a traitor but I loved it because it was so emotional.) *Regret will look back on Tigerstar's life and shows him feeling guilty for his crimes. Regret Prologue The warrior groaned as he blinked.Sunlight streamed into the den,blinding him.It was cold sunshine.He wished he could pull farther into the dreams of warmth.He finally pulled himself out of his nest.His paws felt frozen to the ground as he tried to walk to the fresh-kill pile.It was pitiful,and an elder was padding forward.The warrior sighed and dropped his prey for the elder.“Thank you,"Halftail responded. The warrior just grunted.Heading toward the apprentice den,he roused the younger cat.“Training,Ravenpaw."he muttered. The apprentice nodded and jumped to his feet,though the warrior knew he was just as cold and hungry and tired as he was. That was the day before the battle.The one that changed the warrior's life.The day before the kittypet came.I know how it happened.Every detail. Because I am that warrior.My name is Tigerstar,then Tigerclaw.I'm a kit's tale,a name queens use to warn kits,saying Tigerstar will get them if they aren't good. But I'm not like that.I'm not a killing machine.I have a heart,a have feelings.I care for others,I have before. I have regrets. I. Desperate Dreams It happened.I regret it to this day,no matter what anyone says. The kits' tale says he was killed in cold blood.He wasn't.I didn't want it to happen that way.I had ambition.I had it under control,at least when I was young.Now I was a senior warrior and very desperate.So desperate,you could say,I had lost my mind. Redtail was who I wanted to be.Deputy.Guaranteed to be leader.I wanted that. At Sunningrocks we confronted a RiverClan patrol trying to take our territory.Angry,I fought hard to keep my temper in check.Then,in the heat of the battle,I snapped. Redtail and Oakheart,the RiverClan deputy,fought hard.They rolled under a rock ledge.Despite my jealousy,I didn't want anyone hurt.The rock was shifting.I knew it would fall.And both deputies were right below it. So,the story says,I watched Redtail pull away quickly as the rock collapsed on Oakheart,then I murdered him.Again,false.Sadly,I rescued Redtail just to kill him.I regret that as well.Save a cat,then murder him?Guilt weighed on me as I felt my claws sink into Redtail's pelt.Dust flew and I hauled him away from the rock.It was tilting now and I stretched a paw out to Oakheart.I felt my claws snag fur,then it was yanked away again and the whole rock came down.Oakheart was dead. Redtail was on top of Me from when I pulled him away.We lay there,panting,till I noticed Ravenpaw swaying with exhaustion.He was bleeding badly and he could barely stand.It was actually painful to look at my apprentice,already suffering enough and now,here I was about to kill our deputy because of uncontrolled rage,ambition,jealousy?I couldn't do that.I couldn't. “Ravenpaw,go.Go back to camp and let Spottedleaf treat your wounds."I wheezed.My throat ached where a RiverClan warrior clawed me,but I would be fine.Ravenpaw had several wounds that looked horrible.Blood oozed around his paws and scratches lined his body. As he limped into the forest,we lay there a few minutes more.I don't remember what I thought in those moments,but it wasn't long till my ambition returned.Ambition turned to hatred and I couldn't believe now how I felt then about Redtail.I shoved him to his paws.He looked dizzy and weak.It would seem so dishonorable to kill a cat in that state,one who couldn't defend himself!I sound like a whole other cat than in the story,and I suppose I am.In the story I was a bloodthirsty cat.Supposedly I gained my anger from embarrassment,when my father became a kittypet.It was hard,but no cat could be...so savage! Then it hit me.If Redtail is dead,I can be deputy.Leader.''Who needs Redtail?I do not remember what happened and I don't want to.But I pelt my paws hit his shoulders,and I heard bone snap as I threw him over.He landed awkwardly on his paws,and the leg had cracked.I shuddered as blood courses through the fur at his shoulders.The faint rising of his chest told me he was alive.My brain told me he was in pain beyond repair.I could've stopped when I was being fair to poor Redtail.He didn't deserve to die and he hadn't been killed yet... But he was in so much pain.I pressed my paws on his shoulders,trying to stop the bleeding.A faint groan rose from his mouth. “Tigerclaw?"he whispered.His voice cracked and his voice sent shivers down my spine.“Where's Oakheart?I'll get revenge for how he attacked Me..."My blood ran cold.Only a minor scratch or too on the deputy had been from Oakheart.''He's delirious.Don't kill him,and you can't be a murderer.You aren't even guilty,he doesn't know it was you.''my mind told me.But I knew I was guilty.Panting hard,I pressed on his shoulders again.Blood soaked my paws and Redtail turned.Looking at Me,I could see pure gratitude in his eyes.''No! ''I wanted to scream,''Do ''not ''thank me!Don't thank mme when I'm the one who did this to you... Redtail's voice was hoarse and faded.He said,“Leave me.Tigerclaw,I thank you for trying to help me.But I can't accept this help when you have your own wounds."My own wounds?Most of the blood on Me was his!I was getting desperate.I regret that single moment when I jumped at Redtail.Now he was in agony,close to StarClan,all because of Me! He groaned again as he lowered his head.He muttered goodbye,then closed his eyes.His breaths became farther apart.I put my paw gently on his neck.His pulse was there,but beating fast and faint,then slowing down to hardly nothing.He'd never get better from this.The pain I caused him.Now he would die. But he lay there,breathing.Each breath was a struggle,but I could see him forcing air into his body.It would be so easy to kill him... But I didn't do it for my own gain.Believe me,I didn't.I wanting this agony to end.For good.Redtail didn't deserve it and he lived in it for too long.So I kept my paw where it was,on his neck.Then,guilt rising in my throat,my ears pounding,I increased the pressure till my paw cracked his neck with a sickening snap. And the ThunderClan deputy was dead. II. Noticing the Spy I looked at the limp body before Me now.I was a murderer.Anyone who found Redtail could blame me,and I couldn't deny it without an outright lie.I didn't want that,not really.I had let my anger get ahead of me.I knew I shouldn't,but I had to do something. Heart heavy,guilt rising,I gave one last look at the deputy's body.“I'm sorry."I murmured as I walked into the bracken. A scent hit my nose.Opening my mouth,I tasted the air.Ravenpaw.And it was fresh.But why?I told him to go back to camp.“Ravenpaw?"I asked,hoping for a response. I heard shuffling in the undergrowth.A weak movement,and the scent grew stronger.I padded for the bushes. Ravenpaw was there.His view was right on the rocks.The rocks where I killed Redtail.The apprentice was attempting to back away,then he settled in the leaves silently.I nudged my apprentice and tried to get him to his paws.“Why aren't you at camp?"I asked calmly as he tried to get to his paws.Looking at Me,I saw his eyes widen.He had been watching!What have I done?I must have scarred him when I had ended Redtail's life.I don't blame him,I would be scared if I watched my deputy murder his Clanmate. “Ravenpaw,"I said gently,“We need to get you to camp."He shook as I nudged him once again,pushing him to his paws.He turned,on shaky legs,and ran. I saw him bolt through the trees in fear,leaving a trail of blood behind. What had I done?I wish I hadn't done that.I wish it was over.And,I wish... ...that I could have left Redtail alive. III. Kittypet.He Dislikes Me. My heart thundered in my chest as I raced after Ravenpaw.What would he say when he reached camp.I picked up my pace. I came into the camp.Ravenpaw was slumped on the ground with Spottedleaf tending his herbs.“Tigerclaw,"Bluestar asked me,“Is Redtail really dead?" I nodded my head.“Both Oakheart and Redtail were killed in the battle."It was true.Ok,it wasn't completely true but she didn't ask me if I had killed Redtail,so I was safe. “That is unfortunate."Longtail said meaningfully.“He will be missed." I nodded,guilt still bothering me.“Whitestorm,will you help me bring home Redtail's body?"The white warrior and I walked on in silence.... When Whitestorm and I returned to camp,I noticed for the first time a small ginger cat.Around his neck was a collar with a bell.Longtail had challenged him and they were circling each other,when Longtail pounced on the kittypet.He hooked his claws in the collar and pulled,yanking the kittypet backwards.The little ginger cat tried to fight the warrior's grip and pulled forward.With a snap,the collar fell to the ground. I heard Lionheart would be deputy now but I wasn't paying attention the rest of the day. My thoughts were on the kittypet who fought bravely against a trained warrior.His name was Rusty,but Bluestar has renamed him Firepaw.He doesn't seem to like me,though,and he spends a lot of time with Ravenpaw and Graypaw.What has my apprentice told him?I couldn't sleep that night. IV. Yellowfang Firepaw was not assigned a mentor immediately,so he trained with Ravenpaw and another apprentice,Graypaw.He was a strong cat,and,for a kittypet,he did well to be truthful.But as he showed his distrust for me,resent grew.Deep,dark resentment. He was on his first hunting mission alone when he found her.I do not know for sure was said,nor done.I should have asked Firepaw,but now I have lost that chance. Bluestar took her in and assigned the kittypet the task of caring for her.And,through time,he grew close to the sarcastic medicine cat. Bluestar also took the kittypet as her own apprentice. Then,there was the Gathering.Brokenstar has,many times,been compared to me.And it saddens me to see my mistakes so often seen as the crimes of Brokenstar.But,I suppose that is the way it is.I made bad choices,and they are seen as crimes.Evils.And,in ways they are.Anyway,Brokenstar made the terrible crime of driving a Clan out of their territory. “We are strong,"he boasted,“And ShadowCaan needs more territory and prey." I heard many gasps of shock as my Clanmates heard this news.WindClan,driven out of their own territory?How awful!Then,guiltily,I remembered what I did to Redtail.I wasn't much better than ShadowClan. “And one of our own,"Brokenstar said with grief that I knew was not genuine,“Has murdered three ShadowClan kits.The rogue has been driven out and must be killed if seen." I knew he was talking about Yellowfang.I did not like her,but she was respectable and caring,if a bit harsh.I couldn't picture her killing a kit,let alone three. It was then RiverClan's turn to speak.Crookedstar stepped forward,and my blood turned to ice.“We have allowed ShadowClan hunting rights on our border,"he anounced. More was said but I didn't care to listen.It was sickening,the Clans turning to this.Thank StarClan Bluestar stayed true to the Warrior Code.But,looking back,I did not appreciate her then as I do now. After the Gathering we went to camp,and cats whispered about Yellowfang. “She's a murderer." “I saw her prowling by the nursery last night." “Are the kits missing?" “It's her.She killed them." As much as I knew who the ShadowClan leader was talking about,I didn't believe it.Besides,Bluestar said Yellowfang would not be harmed,so I had no reason to worry. Did I? V.Lies,Rumors,Death